Tag Archives: porn addiction

Healing from Porn can be Fun?

Healing Fun

Yesterday at Gateway Church in northwest Austin, they talked about porn.

Porn talk in church on Sunday. God is moving, y’all.

With all that I am, I know God desperately wants healing for His people and He is stirring hearts to bring this issue into the light. Because where light is, darkness has to flee. And anyone who has been touched by porn addiction knows how much darkness surrounds it. It’s suffocating. It’s overwhelming. And Satan wants to tell us that it’s a hopeless situation or that it’s not worth the risk of confessing or that it’s not really hurting you.

Satan is really good at tailoring lies that speak to our exact situation.

But God is also really good at bringing Truth that touches our heart in just the place where we can receive it. Not to condemn us, but to convict us. And this conviction serves to let us know that there is something painful separating us from Him. He wants to show us how we can move it out of the way, how we can break down this wall that keeps us from knowing the fullness of His love and forgiveness. He wants this wall gone because He wants us.

God wants you. Even if you’re a porn addict. Especially because you’re a porn addict. He knows that if you’re turning to anything to fill this aching hole in your heart that what you’re really searching for is unconditional, totally fulfilling, audacious love.

And He has it.

And He feels it. He feels this love, this way, about you. And He’s going to keep after you with the Truth you need to be set free.

I saw this happen yesterday. I saw Truth spoken about porn addiction and healing in a new way.

This couple on stage (members of the church!) sat in front of hundreds of people and confessed the struggle with porn in their marriage.IMG_0657

And they said they were having fun.

FUN, y’all.

In all the testimonies and interviews and articles Craig and I have written about porn addiction and healing, we have never called this fun.

And yet.

I realized what they were saying, what they were exuding on their faces, was that building intimacy is fun. They were addressing hard questions. They were exploring their thoughts on things they had buried for so long. They were getting to know each other on a deeper level. They were learning what it means to really be one flesh.

As they learned that they could be fully known, they learned that they could be fully loved.

And isn’t that fun? Isn’t that a radical idea that our marriages can be places where we can have all our flaws and all our childhood pain and all our early adulthood baggage and still be loved. Still be someone that another person wants to be with? I mean, really be with.

Freedom is fun.

Porn addiction isn’t so fun. But having a spouse who will help you unravel it, who isn’t afraid to explore the real you, is. And the less you feel you have to keep up a facade, the easier it becomes to laugh, to enjoy, to give of yourself freely.

That’s fun.

Of course, it took this couple time to get to where this kind of exploration was fun. And for sure there were hard nights and tear-filled conversations. But the point is, there was more to it than just hard.

There were dates and late nights playing board games. There were road trips with deep conversations. There were revelations and inside jokes.

And how like God is that? To intersperse joy in the midst of pain? To bring moments of laughter when so many tears have been shed? To give us something to hold onto when our world has been blown to bits?

Just like God.

To watch the sermon about porn addiction by Ben Sledge and to hear the Skalko’s personal testimony, click here.

*And Gateway Church, thank you for allowing us to be a part of your Sunday.

An Easter Message for your Marriage

EasterOvercameGrave

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, the day where God conquered death once and for all, where He took every sin we could possibly commit and paid for it with the ultimate sacrifice – Himself.

I think about the three days He laid in the tomb from Good Friday to Easter Sunday and the immense grief and darkness that came during that time. I imagine Mary, the disciples, and Mary Magdalene huddled at the foot of the cross, their anguish overwhelming. I envision Mary Magdalene at the tomb when she finds the body of her Savior and friend gone. It amazes me that she was even able to get out of bed to go to the tomb in the first place. Grief can be paralyzing.

The sermon on Sunday resounded with this simple message: Keep moving through grief, even if it’s simply putting one foot in front of the other, because you don’t want to miss the resurrection.

You don’t want to miss the resurrection.

As I sat in church, I pondered how this has played out in my own life, specifically in my marriage. Craig and I wrestled with porn for a decade. For 10 years, I was shrouded in grief, some times darker than others, as porn continually stole joy and safety and wholeness from us.

There were times we were unsure we would make it through. The darkness was so palpable we could barely see any light. The pain was so isolating, the problem so infuriating, the mountain seemingly insurmountable, the waves increasingly pounding against us. How could we ever survive this?

But we did.

It was long. It was hard. It was painful.

It was worth it.

Jesus’ death was long. It was hard. It was painful.

It was worth it.

The Resurrection came. The darkest of dark turned to light. The veil got torn. God won.

Our marriages can experience this same resurrection. While porn addiction feels like a death sentence, Jesus has overcome the grave.

What was dead can be brought back to life. What has been destroyed can be rebuilt. What seems insurmountable can be overcome.

Perhaps all you can do in your marriage right now, whether you are the one addicted or the one betrayed, is put one foot in front of the other.  That’s okay. It’s enough.

God is with you in the moving forward. He is in your every effort. He is there to receive every surrender, to forgive every sin, to trade every weakness for new strength. He’s already assumed every ounce of your shame so you no longer have to wear it.

The resurrection is coming.

Don’t miss it.

**************************************************************************Satan wants you to believe that you are beyond hope. Just as he thought he had won when Jesus was nailed to the tree, he thinks that porn addiction is a death sentence for your marriage.

But with Christ, we can do all things through Him who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13)

This is not a cliche. This is Truth. May the ultimate resurrection breath new life into your heart and your marriage.

You Caught Your Spouse Looking at Porn. Now what?

PeriscopeAd

Today’s Periscope gives you 3 Do’s and Don’ts for what to do if you catch your spouse in the act of viewing porn or you find it on his/her computer, device, etc.

I answer a few questions like:

  • Should I even tell him/her?
  • Can I tell anyone else this is going on?
  • Is porn about me? Is this because I’m or I’m not _________________.
  • Should I withhold my love until he gets his/her act together?

After you view the video, I’d love if you would be so kind to leave a comment letting me know what other kinds of questions/suggestions you have regarding porn/marriage. All comments have to be pre-approved, so if you’d like to be anonymous, just let me know and I can take your name off.


*NOTE: KatchTV originally stored all these Periscopes, but KatchTV is now shutting down. I transferred them to YouTube, but they are not perfect. So, if you can just ignore my head expanding randomly, you can still catch all of what I said.

New Podcast Out on Delight Your Marriage!

Belah Rose, host of Delight Your Marriage podcast invited me (Jen) to be on her show. The interview is in two parts:

DYM (3)

Part 1: In this episode, I talk about how porn created friction between me and Craig and made me doubt myself. I also discuss how I tried very hard to manipulate and control everything, but learned to let go later on. And because I had loosened up, I was able to help Craig with his porn addiction because I understood more, because I took a step back and saw the entire picture. Together, we fought against porn addiction and for our marriage. Listen to this podcast here.

DYM-6

Part 2: In this episode, I talk about what our marriage looks like today, after all the struggles, after all the pain and suffering. I talk about moving on to create a happier life, knowing that there is something good at the end. I share that marriage requires teamwork, and that it should always be the two of you. Also, don’t miss my intimacy tips!  Listen to this podcast here.

DYM-5

Hope for Your Husband’s Porn Addiction: 3 Critical Reminders

Hope-During-Your-Husbands-Porn-Addiction

The waves were rough that day.

I had my little daughter standing next to me in the calf-deep water. Grannie was sitting in front of me, closer to the shore. We chatted. We laughed. And we didn’t notice the wave behind us.

All of the sudden we were smacked with a large, unexpected wave that lifted Hannah off her feet and nearly knocked my 88-pound grandmother under the water. Hannah had already been holding my hand, but since her feet no longer found footing on the ocean floor, the rip tide was carrying her north. I tightened my grip on her and lunged for my grandmother to help her keep her head above water.

I had two people who did not have enough strength to battle the wave and undertow on their own, clinging to me. My arms were outstretched, one pulled north and one pulled south. My heels dug into the sand beneath me and I held on as tight as I could, desperate to save them both. The wave passed and everyone righted themselves, hearts beating quickly, relief settling in.

Fighting Porn. Losing Hope.

Later, as I reflected on that terrifying moment, I saw myself not as the one doing the saving, but as the one who needed to be saved. Jesus was in my place, arms stretched out, hands clasped upon me, never losing His grip, despite the pull of the waves.

But when it came to Craig’s porn addiction, we both found ourselves letting go of the one person who could actually save us – Jesus.

I kept myself afloat with my list of rules and regulations he needed follow to keep away from porn. I buoyed myself with anger toward the porn industry. He tried to keep his head above water with his own willpower, which never seemed to last longer than a month or two. We were barely treading water because we put all our hope into recovery, an end to the tenacious cycle of addiction.

Please head on over to the Covenant Eyes blog to read more about how you can have hope even in the midst of the storms of porn addiction. Just click here.