Tag Archives: Hope

An Easter Message for your Marriage

EasterOvercameGrave

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, the day where God conquered death once and for all, where He took every sin we could possibly commit and paid for it with the ultimate sacrifice – Himself.

I think about the three days He laid in the tomb from Good Friday to Easter Sunday and the immense grief and darkness that came during that time. I imagine Mary, the disciples, and Mary Magdalene huddled at the foot of the cross, their anguish overwhelming. I envision Mary Magdalene at the tomb when she finds the body of her Savior and friend gone. It amazes me that she was even able to get out of bed to go to the tomb in the first place. Grief can be paralyzing.

The sermon on Sunday resounded with this simple message: Keep moving through grief, even if it’s simply putting one foot in front of the other, because you don’t want to miss the resurrection.

You don’t want to miss the resurrection.

As I sat in church, I pondered how this has played out in my own life, specifically in my marriage. Craig and I wrestled with porn for a decade. For 10 years, I was shrouded in grief, some times darker than others, as porn continually stole joy and safety and wholeness from us.

There were times we were unsure we would make it through. The darkness was so palpable we could barely see any light. The pain was so isolating, the problem so infuriating, the mountain seemingly insurmountable, the waves increasingly pounding against us. How could we ever survive this?

But we did.

It was long. It was hard. It was painful.

It was worth it.

Jesus’ death was long. It was hard. It was painful.

It was worth it.

The Resurrection came. The darkest of dark turned to light. The veil got torn. God won.

Our marriages can experience this same resurrection. While porn addiction feels like a death sentence, Jesus has overcome the grave.

What was dead can be brought back to life. What has been destroyed can be rebuilt. What seems insurmountable can be overcome.

Perhaps all you can do in your marriage right now, whether you are the one addicted or the one betrayed, is put one foot in front of the other.  That’s okay. It’s enough.

God is with you in the moving forward. He is in your every effort. He is there to receive every surrender, to forgive every sin, to trade every weakness for new strength. He’s already assumed every ounce of your shame so you no longer have to wear it.

The resurrection is coming.

Don’t miss it.

**************************************************************************Satan wants you to believe that you are beyond hope. Just as he thought he had won when Jesus was nailed to the tree, he thinks that porn addiction is a death sentence for your marriage.

But with Christ, we can do all things through Him who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13)

This is not a cliche. This is Truth. May the ultimate resurrection breath new life into your heart and your marriage.

Family Life Today Interviews: A big dose of hope for your marriage!

FamilyLife-Today-Dennis_RaineyBob_Lepine

Craig and I had the privilege to travel to Little Rock, Arkansas to be on Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine’s radio show for Family Life Today. Here are the links to the three programs we recorded if you’d like to listen. It’s a snapshot of our authentic struggle and filled with lots of hope!

Exposing the Darkness: It takes courage to break an addiction. Craig and Jen Ferguson, authors of the book, “Pure Eyes, Clean Heart,” talk to Dennis Rainey about their dating years. Jen recalls asking Craig if he viewed porn, and Craig admitted that he did, but what guy didn’t? Jen tucked his answer away in her heart. Little did she know that his response would later come back to haunt her.

Rebuilding Trust: All of us bring some baggage into our marriage. It’s when we unpack it later that it causes harm to our unsuspecting spouse. Authors Craig and Jen Ferguson talk about their early years of marriage. Jen shares what it was that first began to alert her to a problem with her husband, like his absence in the middle of the night, or random pay per view charges on their cable bill. It was the lack of intimacy, however, that alarmed her the most. Find out what Jen uncovered about Craig that left her stunned and heartbroken.

Breaking Old Cycles: Pornography is devastating to a marriage. Craig and Jen Ferguson talk openly about Craig’s battle with pornography. Find out what Craig did to break this stronghold in his life. Also hear Jen coach other wives who may be facing a similar situation in their marriage.

Also, our publishers, Discovery House, allowed Family Life to publish an excerpt of our book. To read Craig’s chapter about the 4 common delusions about pornography, just click here.

Blessings,

Jen

New Podcast Out on Delight Your Marriage!

Belah Rose, host of Delight Your Marriage podcast invited me (Jen) to be on her show. The interview is in two parts:

DYM (3)

Part 1: In this episode, I talk about how porn created friction between me and Craig and made me doubt myself. I also discuss how I tried very hard to manipulate and control everything, but learned to let go later on. And because I had loosened up, I was able to help Craig with his porn addiction because I understood more, because I took a step back and saw the entire picture. Together, we fought against porn addiction and for our marriage. Listen to this podcast here.

DYM-6

Part 2: In this episode, I talk about what our marriage looks like today, after all the struggles, after all the pain and suffering. I talk about moving on to create a happier life, knowing that there is something good at the end. I share that marriage requires teamwork, and that it should always be the two of you. Also, don’t miss my intimacy tips!  Listen to this podcast here.

DYM-5

Hope for Your Husband’s Porn Addiction: 3 Critical Reminders

Hope-During-Your-Husbands-Porn-Addiction

The waves were rough that day.

I had my little daughter standing next to me in the calf-deep water. Grannie was sitting in front of me, closer to the shore. We chatted. We laughed. And we didn’t notice the wave behind us.

All of the sudden we were smacked with a large, unexpected wave that lifted Hannah off her feet and nearly knocked my 88-pound grandmother under the water. Hannah had already been holding my hand, but since her feet no longer found footing on the ocean floor, the rip tide was carrying her north. I tightened my grip on her and lunged for my grandmother to help her keep her head above water.

I had two people who did not have enough strength to battle the wave and undertow on their own, clinging to me. My arms were outstretched, one pulled north and one pulled south. My heels dug into the sand beneath me and I held on as tight as I could, desperate to save them both. The wave passed and everyone righted themselves, hearts beating quickly, relief settling in.

Fighting Porn. Losing Hope.

Later, as I reflected on that terrifying moment, I saw myself not as the one doing the saving, but as the one who needed to be saved. Jesus was in my place, arms stretched out, hands clasped upon me, never losing His grip, despite the pull of the waves.

But when it came to Craig’s porn addiction, we both found ourselves letting go of the one person who could actually save us – Jesus.

I kept myself afloat with my list of rules and regulations he needed follow to keep away from porn. I buoyed myself with anger toward the porn industry. He tried to keep his head above water with his own willpower, which never seemed to last longer than a month or two. We were barely treading water because we put all our hope into recovery, an end to the tenacious cycle of addiction.

Please head on over to the Covenant Eyes blog to read more about how you can have hope even in the midst of the storms of porn addiction. Just click here.