Category Archives: Control

When Your Tool Doesn’t Fix What’s Broken

I’m guest posting today over at Heather Gillis’ place. Thank you so much for having me, Heather! Here’s a little teaser and then you can head over there to find out what tool really does work to fix your marriage.


Prayer Changes Marriages

It didn’t seem like it could be enough. How could simply praying save my marriage? How could words, words that most times weren’t uttered aloud, end my husband’s porn addiction?

For many years, I treated prayer like an “add-on” item to my Amazon cart. Something good, but not something that I truly needed. It was a way I could vent my frustrations, rail at God, and ask Him for healing, but I didn’t really think it had enough power to transform a life. I viewed porn addiction as something that required the “big guns,” though to be honest, I had no idea what those really were. I was in my early twenties and just learning one could be addicted to something called porn.

I had no tools to fix my husband, so I did my best to fashion one using the materials I had. I made one called Control. (Maybe you’ve used this one, too?) My control tool felt comfortable in my hand – tell him what to do and all our lives would be so much better. Though it was a very easy tool to use, it didn’t quite fit the job. I found myself frustrated often. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t follow my simple rules to keep him safe: Don’t close the door to the study, read the bible every day, keep the history so I can check it, tell me when he felt tempted, etc.

One day I realized how much all my drilling him with rules and regulations wasn’t keeping our marriage together. In one of my darkest moments of despair, I heard God right there in my puddle of tears in the middle of my bathroom closet.

To continue reading, please click here. Make sure you head over – we have a new resource for you to help you on your prayer journey!

When All You Want for Christmas is for Your Spouse to Quit Porn

PeriscopeAd

Craig spent many of our Christmases enslaved to pornography, so I know well the desire to just decorate and make things as perfect as possible so to try to escape the prison walls pornography held our marriage within.

But what if there’s another way? What if instead of decorating our prison, trying to hide what it really is, we embraced exactly where we are, bringing our reality to Jesus?

What could Jesus do with our Christmas wish?

*NOTE: KatchTV originally stored all these Periscopes, but KatchTV is now shutting down. I transferred them to YouTube, but they are not perfect. So, if you can just ignore my head expanding randomly, you can still catch all of what I said.

You Caught Your Spouse Looking at Porn. Now what?

PeriscopeAd

Today’s Periscope gives you 3 Do’s and Don’ts for what to do if you catch your spouse in the act of viewing porn or you find it on his/her computer, device, etc.

I answer a few questions like:

  • Should I even tell him/her?
  • Can I tell anyone else this is going on?
  • Is porn about me? Is this because I’m or I’m not _________________.
  • Should I withhold my love until he gets his/her act together?

After you view the video, I’d love if you would be so kind to leave a comment letting me know what other kinds of questions/suggestions you have regarding porn/marriage. All comments have to be pre-approved, so if you’d like to be anonymous, just let me know and I can take your name off.


*NOTE: KatchTV originally stored all these Periscopes, but KatchTV is now shutting down. I transferred them to YouTube, but they are not perfect. So, if you can just ignore my head expanding randomly, you can still catch all of what I said.

The book we wrote together…for you and for us.

Book Cover

Where to buy this book:

Amazon.com (Paperback and Kindle versions)

Discovery House Publishers (paperback)

Barnes and Noble (Paperback and Nook versions)

The book in a nutshell:

In this candid account, Craig and Jen Ferguson share their personal story of the shame, anger, and hopelessness associated with Craig’s porn addiction. It threatened to destroy their marriage until they discovered how drawing close to Christ could lead them out of the pit of sinful habits, unhealthy responses, and personal despair toward true recovery. Marked by biblical and practical guidance for addressing the heart issues that lead to addiction, Pure Eyes, Clean Heart offers encouragement and hope to those who struggle—or whose loved ones struggle—with the lure of pornography. Includes Scripture-based prayers, discussion questions for couples, and other helpful resources.

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And now, for everything else  you’d want to know about the book, except, well, not everything because then you wouldn’t buy the book…

In short, this book is written by two ordinary people. A husband, Craig, whose porn addiction started way before he ever got married and a wife, Jen, who pretty much always had issues with control.

This marriage could have been disastrous, but God made it divine (at least most days). This book is our story of how we moved from the chains of addiction to freedom.  We are not licensed counselors. We are not miracle-workers. We don’t have all the answers and we surely do not have the perfect marriage.

But we do have Jesus. And He makes all the difference.

And because we have Jesus, we didn’t hold anything back. This book shows the good, the bad, and the ugly.  And porn addiction and the need to control everything are both pretty ugly things. While Craig and I celebrate freedom, there are no tidy packages here. Just a lot of hard work, a lot of grace, and a lot of leaning on Jesus.

Troublesome and dismal truth

Notes about the book’s structure:

This really was a team effort between husband and wife. There are 6 parts to this book and each part has 3 chapters. Jen writes the first chapter of each section from her perspective, Craig writes the second chapter of each section from his perspective, and we’ve used the third chapter to take the common theme  of the previous chapters and address the components in a way the couple can apply scriptural and secular research and ideas to their own marriage. Of course, we’ve included discussion questions for your enjoyment and enrichment. We know you love things like that.

Chains

We hope God uses this book in many ways, but most of all, we pray it gives you hope and to let you know that in this battle, you are NOT alone.