I’ve spent most of my life thinking I’d never measure up. I believed being the best in something would assure me self-worth and unconditional love, but because I never was the best by the world’s standards, I often struggled with loving myself and receiving love from others.
I had this unrealistic expectation, though, that when I got married, I’d finally be “The One.” I’d be the best in my husband’s eyes, the one who got the prize, the one who was prized. Marriage would be my ticket to self-worth and unconditional love.
But then I found out he was addicted to porn. There goes the ticket.
This didn’t stop me from trying to be what I thought he wanted. I started exercising, eating healthily. I discovered the flat iron for my hair and switched facial products to try to improve my complexion. If we’d had the money, I would have considered a boob job because nothing in my box of hat tricks could change my genetic cards.
Guess what? The formula I had concocted in my head of “Shrinking Jen” = “Craig’s Shrinking Porn Use” didn’t add up. Despite my best efforts, how I looked did nothing to diminish Craig’s porn addiction. It took me years to discover that porn addiction had nothing to do with me, but everything to with how Craig chose to deal with life.
To purchase, Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple’s Journey to Freedom from Pornograhy, click any of these links:
Discovery House Publishers (paperback)
Barnes and Noble (Paperback and Nook versions)